| Jun. 13th, 2008 @ 07:22 pm My gran died today. |
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I saw her last night. She was laying in bed, gasping for breath and she sounded like she was drowning each time she coughed.
She got upset when she saw me crying. I just kept stroking her hair and her face. She actually looked peaceful for a moment and had a small smile on her face, but then she started struggling again.
She refused medical intervention, so when she got the flu again it got really bad.
It's strange, i really thought she'd die from the brain tumor.
I'm going to miss her so much. She is the only family member who has always loved me for who i am. She never judged me, not once.
She was a dignified, loving, caring woman who deserved a better death than the one she got.
Uncle Robert is driving over from Adelaide as i type. I hope he stops for breaks but he seems pretty determined to get here, according to mum.
It's bloody hard. I've lost my Gran today and because we live in her house, I see reminders of her everywhere. I'm sitting in her sun room where she use to spend her time in summer. I'm surrounded by so many things that remind me of her and the amazing times we had. It's so very bittersweet. I've never lost anyone before. I don't know how to grieve.
It hurts.
We live in her house and now we may be homeless soon.
It's a hard day.
I'm keeping my phone off for awhile, taking a week off work and i'm hiding away from the world.
I just don't know what to say to anyone. |
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